Reed has been wonderful and is such a happy boy. He laughs and claps his hands when it's time to eat. He sings and talks and dances around when it's play time. He is such a joy and has brought so much joy to our hearts.
At the same time we are excited and happy; he is sad, confused and afraid. I seem to forget this at times and then we will have a night like last night that puts it all into perspective.
Last night he cried (this is no normal cry, there is no mistaking this for a hungry or sad cry; this cry is a frightened/panic/horrible cry) for about 2 hours before finally giving in to sleep. He was drenched in sweat and red faced from all the emotion. I will never know the details of his first 2 years of life, but I do know that not having a loving touch or having his physical and emotional needs met and being afraid of abandonment can certainly be traumatic and stressful enough to cause this behavior.Imagine going to sleep one night and waking up to find out everyone that is in your life today is gone. You're in a strange place, you don't know anyone around you and the sights and smells are different. Pretty scary stuff; now imagine you're 2 years old and this happens.
Anyway, a lot of people are telling me that his actions are 'typical of a 2 yr old' but I'm not so sure. Everything we've read and been told leading up to this adoption says otherwise. So, how do we know if we're experiencing typical 2 year old discipline problems, or if these moments are related to the trauma he has experienced in his short life??
Anyway, a lot of people are telling me that his actions are 'typical of a 2 yr old' but I'm not so sure. Everything we've read and been told leading up to this adoption says otherwise. So, how do we know if we're experiencing typical 2 year old discipline problems, or if these moments are related to the trauma he has experienced in his short life??
10 comments:
Two-year-olds often cry at bedtime, yes, but it is a tired sort of cry. You, as Reed's mommy, know his cries better than anyone! Give Leigh Anne at the IAC a call if you need some advice. Just keep lovin' that baby boy!! :)
Emily
Just remember, Reed is not a typical two-year old! He has experienced more in his two little years than we can ever imagine. I agree with Emily: You are his mama, you know the difference between his cries. Follow your instincts. Love him, comfort him, and keep reassuring him that you are always going to be there for him. It's all part of the grieving/attachment process. Hang in there!
Love you,
Monica
Bless his heart. It always makes me sad when Noah has his crying fits. He still wakes up occassionally with Night Terrors. Unfortunately our children aren't typical in any sense of the word and you don't ever know what might set off a crying fit for them. All you need to is just be there to hold and love on them and reassure them that you are their momma and daddy and that you will always be there for them and just love them through their fits.
Love you all
Becky
How heartbreaking Tina:( We will be praying for your sweet little boy.
Love,
Kristy
Our babies have been through so much. Lily had no problems at night, but Lia is very different. Lia is very scared during the night and when she wakes up in the morning she has that same look. Just love on that baby boy and keep telling him that you love him. Try to also have the same routine each night, this will also help. Call if you need anything.
Hugs to you
Connie
Don't let anyone tell you it is typical two-year-old stuff. I listened to it for far too long and I knew in my heart it wasn't. We really need to talk. I can't write everything down that I need to tell you so we have to work out a time that might work. I would HIGHLY recommend getting the book "Building the Bonds if Attachment" by Daniel A. Hughes.
http://www.amazon.com/Building-Bonds-Attachment-Awakening-Troubled/dp/0765704048/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239820179&sr=8-1
Make sure to get the second edition and burn through it even if you loose a little more sleep (I know it is precious, but the book will help). I know it is an expensive book, but it is priceless and the best book out there on attachment that our attachment therapist has found. I would have to agree. It is better than Deborah Gray's (which I really like) and is written in novel form so it is easier to read. Your little man need structure and stability, as little stimulation as possible and you need to hold him through those intense fear times. He will more than likely fight you for all he is worth and you need to remain absolutely peaceful and calm (easier said than done) and tell him over an over Mama needs to hold you to keep you safe and I love you and I will never stop loving you (there is more to it, but this gets you going...just talk in very soothing loving tones and say kind loving things to him). This results in HUGE payouts and in time he WILL start to get the idea you are not going anywhere. He is feeling so fearful and unlovable right now and is trying to protect himself from another loss that in his mind is just a matter of when not if you leave him also.
Love, April
My heart breaks for you!! You will all be in our prayers! Just keep loving Reed and he will eventually know he is safe and loved forever. Someone commented several posts ago about a Chinese phrase they repeated to their child when this happened....try to find that post and give it a try. If this was a "not-adopted" child you would hold the child and love him and tell him he is safe and you love him....try the same thing now in his native language.
Prayers and love for you all!
Laura
Just reading down and catching up. Looks like things are going well, even when it feels scary. He is so beautiful, gorgeous shots.
No advice really, just follow your heart. and Prayers for you my friend.
Go with your instinct because you are more than likely right on target!
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